Thursday, December 3, 2015

What inspired this insanity you ask...

Here is the post my friend posted that inspired my whimsical Christmas Beanie Baby mayhem. I can't say if I agree with his thoughts about the Elf or not, I don't have an opinion either way honestly, but calling out the Beanie Babies went to far:
But look how cute! (Seriously, I don't think they are that cute, kind of cheap looking to me)

Elf on a Shelf - There is a new big thing and craze for this year!!
Yes, it's almost time for the fad and the genius of marketing consumerism fostered upon us sheepish parents, that just hasn't, as yet, gone the way of the Beanie Babies (oh no he didn't!), to appear. The day after Thanksgiving parents will be hunting the box that holds the magic.

And here is how to make the magic this year; trust me, this is the new, big idea. - when you find the imp, take him magically and directly to the dumpster. It's been 11 months since your kids saw him last, maybe they will forget.

What does the Elf teach our kids? He teaches them that a nanny state and the total lack of personal privacy is just fine. Hey, I spy on you and report back to Santa just like the trusty NSA. It's the new normal kids. He is preparing you for a sheep like future.

It's a crutch for parents, an excuse to use lax parenting skills. It's a fake tradition wrapped up in the cloak of consumerism that we have fallen for. It's been here since 2005, lightening your pocket book in the mistaken belief that this is a new holiday tradition. Kids how cool is it that your parents bought a spy to spy on you?

Think about what the imp has done to you as a parent. In the First Stage, you think it's cute and hide him in all kinds of interesting places for your kids. In the Second Stage you no longer care about the kids and you are staging the elf in provocative posses like bending over with a Hersey Kiss coming out his ass (this has become trite and boring). In this stage you have gone round the bend in parenting all the way. In Stage Three, your spouse growls at you about 11 pm asking if moved the damn thing yet. You walk over and kick/swat him a few feet and call it good. Stage Four is either throwing him out or the kids matured out of the nonsense and you thankfully no longer have to participate. This is the salvation phase!

Please join me - take the elves directly to the dumpster and STOP posting about them on FB.
You know how you occasionally still meet that one nut that collects Beanie Babies? You know how you tilt your head to the left, fake smile, shake your head up and down (knowingly) and say, "that's nice". Meanwhile your mind is screaming to you to back away slowly, because this person is insane. Folks it's time. It's time to look at elf folks just like Beanie people. It's crazy... (Is this how people really feel about my collection?)

Go directly to the dumpster, do not post, do not go past Go! It's the new, big craze. Really it is...

So, I've now taken to barraging this friend with photos of my Beanie Baby antics and tagging him in the photos. Because, you know, that is how you use Facebook and pick on friends who live too far away to annoy them in person.
Here is day 3:

Miles berated the monkey for making such a mess with cutting the tags off the other Beanie Babies. Then he asked how he got the scissors. Probably because we put them way out of his reach. I told him that monkeys are good climbers. Heehee!

No comments:

Post a Comment